


Differences

by neapeaikea



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:08:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27782743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neapeaikea/pseuds/neapeaikea
Summary: Nate finds the perfect fuckbuddy. Jackson is nice, sexy and relaxed. It's too bad their differences will keep them from being anything else, but Nate knows they will.
Relationships: Eric Jackson/Nathan Miller
Comments: 6
Kudos: 9





	Differences

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Much like anyone, the final season inspired me to write one last hurrah for these two, though it's AU and and has nothing to do with the actual ending... Oh well. I got part of the plot stuck in my head and went with it. 
> 
> There's some mention of med school here, but don't look too closely at the details. It's set in a non-descript "town" so let that go too :) That's not why we're here anyway! Some other show characters and relationships are mentioned, but not enough to warrant tags imo, plus I wanted to keep the focus on Mackson. 
> 
> Had a great time writing this, and maybe the boys will show up in my life again. Until then, enjoy! Feedback is lovingly drooled on.

Nate slumped against the wall by the entrance to The Arkadia. It was yet another Thursday Students’ Night at the bar and there was a steady stream of college students trickling in for the specials thar were available until midnight. Most of the students he recognized and didn’t need to card, and he and the other bouncers only ever checked bags big enough to hide wine bottles in or ones that looked bulky, like someone was trying to smuggle alcohol in from the outside. Nate had never understood that impulse, since The Arkadia wasn’t exactly pricey, or clean.

He perked up when he saw the next group of students approaching. Among them was the tall guy with facial hair and friendly eyes that was one of Nate’s favorite patrons. Having been a bouncer at the establishment for nearly two years, he knew some of the regulars by name and even a little of their personal lives. He had some favorite guests, ones that were easy on the eye, or never caused trouble, and the ones that left the bar with a ‘thanks, bye’ thrown over their shoulder.

This favorite he knew was a medical student because he’d once overheard him talking with friends about exams when there had been a line to get in. There was no such line tonight, things being pretty calm for once. Nate made sure to catch the guy’s eye as the group walked past him, and threw in a wink when the guy smiled at him. Nate snickered when the guy winked back with a little giggle.

“Flirting on the job?” Harper asked, coming out of the bar to take over door duty.

“You know how it is.” Nate shrugged, “They see me and they can’t resist.”

“Sure, yeah, I have that problem too.” Harper said, “All the guys.”

“Anything going on inside?”

“Nah, they’re not drunk enough yet. Table in the corner will be soon. Bunch of girls, I think they’re celebrating a birthday.”

Nate looked up at the evening sky in defeat, “Why? Ugh, I’ll head in but radio me if you need help out here.”

“Yeah, you too.” Harper said, already taking position by the entrance as another group of guests appeared from the nearby metro station.

Inside, the music was loud but not loud enough for Nate to use his ear plugs, that usually happened around midnight when the patrons made more noise and the music got louder too, in a vicious cycle until Nate went home at ass o’clock in the morning with a headache.

He stopped for a while to talk with the bartenders and the servers, who all agreed it was pretty quiet for Students’ Night, and Nate crossed his fingers that it would stay that way. He scoped out the table Harper had mentioned but figured he’d mostly have to keep an eye on their belongings for the girls, with the way they were throwing phones back and forth, and getting up to dance wildly on an otherwise empty dancefloor.

Nate’s shift finally had something interesting happen an hour later when he happened upon the tall medical student in the line for the men’s room which had way fewer urinals than it should.

“You can cut in line if you need to.”

Nate frowned for a second, “Oh, nah, just checking that everything’s alright. Thanks, though.”

The guy seemed to flush a little, but that could’ve just been the lighting and the warm air of the bar. “Right, yeah, you probably have a staff toilet somewhere. Sorry, I was just…”

“It’s cool, man.” Nate looked the guy up and down. “Anything you’ve seen tonight that you reckon needs my attention?”

Though still a little flushed, the guy only paused for a moment before looking Nate up and down too, smirking at him, “Maybe. People call me Jackson, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you, Jackson, I’m Nate.”

“Pleasure’s all mine.” Jackson said. The line had shuffled forward enough that it was Jackson’s turn and with a last little look, he disappeared inside the restroom.

Nate bit his lip, wondering if he should follow. Then he remembered he was working and there was no time for that kind of fun. He muttered under his breath, “Get it together, Nate.”

**

“I don’t even know why you asked me to come.” Nate griped.

“I can’t show up on my own, and you’re a great wingman.” Bellamy said cheerfully.

“Yeah, that’s true. But you owe me for this, big time.”

Nate let Bellamy throw an arm around him and pull him towards the residential block nearest the campus, which was mostly populated by older students who were done with the residence halls, along with faculty and others that worked at the college. Nate himself lived much close to the town center, but had decided to not take his car this time as he wanted to drink. In his line of work, he saw a lot of people get shitfaced or just act obnoxious after one too many drinks, and it had a damaging effect on his desire to drink and party. Being around so many annoying, loud and intoxicated people most nights had made him realize it wasn’t a good look on anyone, least of all on himself.

Unless of course it was a house party where he wouldn’t know anyone but Bellamy, who was sure to dump him the moment he spotted whichever girl currently held his attention. In those circumstances, Nate was definitely allowed to become drunker than strictly necessary. He looked up at the buildings around him. He’d never been inside one of them, but he knew what they were like. Large apartments where students who could afford it lived with a bunch of roommates, students that were usually older and studied for their post-grad. They were all college people through and through, and would find him an excruciating conversation partner since he was just a bouncer and didn’t have any education past his high school diploma. They’d all leave his presence as soon as socially acceptable, and best case scenario he’d find someone with weed to share in the kitchen and he could zone out for a while, maybe find one person that could think beyond their income bracket.

“What was her name again?” Nate asked.

“Clarke.”

Nate raised an eyebrow, “You going bi on me?”

Bellamy laughed, “I know, I know, yes, it’s mostly a guy’s name, but no she’s a girl. Med student, and she’s so cool, man, she bit my head off about epicurean philosophy and she knows a ton about astronomy and radiology.”

Nate tuned Bellamy out, not really that interested. He’d care if Bellamy started dating the girl for real, which hadn’t happened with anyone since Bellamy quit the police academy when his mom died. Bellamy and Nate had been in the same year all throughout middle and high school but they’d been more acquaintances than friends until their late teens, when they’d both lost their remaining parent. They’d met by chance at a pizza joint one night, and they’d ended up eating and talking together until the restaurant closed. Now, Nate counted Bellamy as his best friend and knew they had each other’s backs in everything. Even attending parties that would be super dull just because the other one didn’t want to seem lame by showing up alone.

The building they entered was a bit more run-down than the others on the block, and Nate felt lucky they only had one flight of stairs to go up, because the elevator did not look reliable.

“Bellamy! You came!” A short, very blonde girl said happily as she opened the door, sounds of conversation and music spilling out into the hallway.

“Hi, Clarke.” Bellamy leaned in for a kiss, and Clarke readily gave him one. With a satisfied smile, Bellamy pulled back and gestured at Nate, “This is my friend, Nate.”

“Hi, Nate, so good to meet you, welcome, please come in.” Clarke barely took a breath between words.

“Thanks, good to meet you too. Uh, I brought a little something.” Nate held out the plastic bag with chips and Doritos.

“That’s perfect, Jackson forgot to get more snacks earlier, now we won’t run out, thank you!” Clarke took the bag and gave Nate a quick hug before running off towards the kitchen.

Nate looked after her. “She’s certainly friendly.”

“Shut up.” Bellamy said with a good-natured grumble.

“You know any of her friends?”

“I know Jackson, her roomie.”

“Wait, Jackson?” Nate tried to remember where he’d heard that name before. As if the universe was reading his mind, the tall med student who frequented The Arkadia appeared in the tiny corridor that connected all the rooms in the apartment. He felt his mood changing instantly. “Well, alright.”

**

After a quick exchange of greetings, Jackson disappeared when someone in the living room called after him. Nate was disappointed but figured he’d have time to catch up with the attractive man later. He went with Bellamy instead, heading after Clarke. They put their beer in the fridge, helped themselves to some of the chips and talked with Clarke and her friend Raven about nothing special for a while. Raven was a medical engineering student and according to Clarke some kind of wiz at it, and though she had a foul mouth and downed beer like it was going out of style, Nate was reminded of the fact that the people here had a different type of life than people like him.

Nate left Bellamy in Clarke’s capable hands and took a little look around the apartment, before finding himself with bottle in hand, looking out of the French balcony that was in the corner of the living room. The party was more of a gathering, groups of people sitting and standing around, talking and laughing while electronic music played in the background. There couldn’t be more than thirty or so people, and Nate might’ve actually liked it if he had more than just one friend there.

“Nate, right?”

Nate turned, seeing Jackson approach. “Yeah, hi. Jackson, I remember.”

“I might be wrong, but don’t you work at The Arkadia?”

Smiling, happy that Jackson recognized him too, Nate said, “Yeah, I’m a bouncer there. I knew I’d seen you somewhere.”

Jackson grinned slightly, taking up position in front of Nate like he intended to stay and talk for a while, “It’s a good bar, and Thursdays are pretty intense for my class, we have seminars in the morning and assigned labs in the afternoon.”

“So the Students’ Night works out well for you.” Nate concluded.

“Yeah, it’s good for letting out some steam, you know?” Jackson said. “I wanna be a doctor, but it’s such a long road and there is so much to learn, sometimes I wonder why I put myself through it.”

“One of the great things about being a bouncer, you can’t take it with you home.” Nate said, trying to not let the talk of higher education get to him.

Jackson chuckled, “I suppose. But you’re putting yourself in danger. There must be moments or situations that you don’t stop thinking of just because you get home.”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s true.” Nate was a little surprised to hear Jackson mention it, few understood the mental toll it took to be constantly on alert and looking for potentially dangerous situations, knowing that it was a good chance you’d get screamed at with various insults, or even punched. “The Arkadia is pretty quiet, compared to some of the other places I’ve worked.”

“Yeah? That’s good. Like I said, I like it.” Jackson stepped over to stand in the opening of the French balcony, breathing in and jokingly saying, “Ah, fresh air.”

Nate followed suit, the two of them filling up the entire opening and their shoulders brushing with every little movement. “I don’t know that I’d go there on a night off, but it’s tons better than working the upscale places downtown I used to, where everyone has money and ego, and can’t fathom being told to stay in line.”

Jackson snickered, “I can only imagine. I hate those places. Clarke takes me sometimes, and I guess they can be fun, but I don’t feel like I fit in, you know?”

“I know all about not fitting in.” Nate agreed. “How do you know Clarke?”

Jackson leaned over the railing, beer bottle dangling dangerously between his fingers. “We met the first day of college. Been friends ever since. It’s a love-hate relationship, to be honest, she can be incredibly selfish, and she dislikes some of my decisions. But we’ve always been in sync when it comes to our studies, we’re great as assignment partners. It made sense to move in together at the start of the year.”

“I finally got a place of my own a couple of months back. It’s tiny and the pipes are shit, but it’s all mine.” Nate said. “I get to decide everything, and no one’s there to complain.”

“Yeah?” Jackson stood up, keeping one hand on the railing as he angled his body towards Nate. “No one special in your life?”

Nate knew where this was going, and changed his position too, kicking his foot up against the wall. “Nah, not right now. You?”

Jackson reached back inside the apartment proper, leaving his beer bottle on a bookshelf. He cocked his head at Nate. “No, no boyfriend.”

Taking the invitation, Nate stepped into Jackson’s personal sphere, “Lucky me.”

“Yeah.” Jackson whispered as he breathed out, sealing his lips against Nate’s.

Jackson was taller than Nate, making Nate tilt his head up which was rare but he found that he liked it, liked how Jackson was tentatively feeling out Nate’s mouth and how his hands felt at Nate’s waist. It was Nate that pulled back, aware of the other people in the room and the way conversation had died down a little. It was still early and even if they were in the corner of the room, they weren’t exactly alone, or subtle.

“You want another drink?” Jackson asked.

“Sure.”

Jackson took Nate’s hand and led him through the room, passing quite a few people on the way, some of them smirking and one mumbling out a _‘get it, Jacks’_ as they passed. Nate gave a girl a wink and she laughed back. Jackson seemed flustered by the attention, letting go of Nate’s hand. Nate quickly slipped his hand back into Jackson’s hold.

“Sorry about that.” Jackson said as they were in the kitchen and he poured rum into two glasses.

“No problem.” Nate shrugged it off, hovering close to Jackson’s side. “I’d probably do the same if I saw a friend of mine score a hot guy like me.”

Jackson laughed sharply, “God, you’re an interesting one, aren’t you?” He filled the rest of the glasses with coke, and turned to offer a glass to Nate, “Is that what’s happening here? I’m… scoring, with you?”

“Kinda feel like we both are. You’re pretty fucking hot too.” Nate said, taking a sip of the drink, “But man, you can not make a drink. How do you mess up rum and coke?”

With a disappointed frown, Jackson set his own glass down, “Sorry.”

“Nah, I’m sorry. I’m spoiled by having worked the bar circuit for so long, I know a lot of bartenders.” Nate said, though he did deposit his glass on the kitchen counter. “But I’m not here with you for the drinks.”

“No? Then why?” Jackson asked, an eyebrow cocked.

Nate put his hands on the counter, boxing Jackson in. They kissed as easily as before, finding a rhythm to it that worked for them. Jackson let himself be crowded up against the counter and put his hands on the small of Nate’s back. Nate was very grateful he’d dumped his hoodie with his leather jacket when they’d arrived, because now he could feel Jackson’s touch through only a flimsy black shirt. They made out for long minutes, Nate finally getting his hands on Jackson’s shoulders and neck, the two of them exchanging hushed pleas of more and nonsensical desire.

“Ahem.”

Nate buried his face in Jackson’s neck, trying not to giggle at being interrupted.

“Oh, uhm…” Jackson faltered, hand still on Nate’s ass.

“You have a room, come on. Let the rest of us get drunk in peace. Unless you want an audience?”

“Oh God, no.” Jackson sounded mortified, making Nate chuckle. Jackson took Nate’s hands again and pulled him out of the kitchen, “Get real, Raven.”

Still laughing, Nate couldn’t resist giving Raven a high-five when she held up her hand, the two of them only getting more enjoyment from Jackson’s scandalized exclamation as he rushed Nate down the hall and into a room they hadn’t been in yet. Nate only needed a few seconds to realize he was in Jackson’s bedroom. He couldn’t be that scandalized then, if he’d taken Nate to his room.

“That was so embarrassing.” Jackson muttered.

“Was it?” Nate asked, stepping into Jackson’s space again. He pressed a kiss to Jackson’s jaw, “I think she stopped us just in time.”

“Wait, wait.” Jackson backed away, putting an assuring hand on Nate’s shoulder, “Just want to lock the door first. I’ve been embarrassed enough for one night.”

Nate bit his lower lip in a pleased grin, finally letting his horniness get the best of him, “We are gonna have such a good time together.”

Jackson came back from locking the door, and pushed Nate down on the bed, “I know we are. Quietly, I don’t need all my friends hearing me get fucked.”

“Fuck, _such_ a good time.”

The bed was big enough to accommodate two grown men, which was good because getting naked took a lot of rolling around and wandering hands, the two of them kissing and fumbling as new body parts were uncovered. Jackson’s body was warm and sensitive, goosebumps appearing wherever Nate put his mouth and fingers, which drove Nate wild. His hard dick dragged against Jackson’s thigh, and in turn Jackson’s dick was filling out against his stomach.

“I’d love to put my mouth on your dick.” Nate said huskily, keeping his voice down.

“Fu-fuck, yes.” Jackson stuttered, putting a hand on said dick, giving it a couple of tugs. “But I don’t wanna come before you fuck me.”

Nate smirked, “Damn, where have you been all my life?”

Jackson laughed, pushing at Nate’s shoulder. Nate went willingly, only teasing for a little bit before sucking Jackson into his mouth and putting his whole effort into giving the blowjob of his life. It was still as awkward as always for the first time with someone, but Nate reckoned he was doing a great job, Jackson bucking under him and his hands on Nate’s head letting him know what worked and what didn’t. Jackson’s dick was longer than Nate’s, but didn’t fill out quite as much, making it easy to suck on and Nate found himself getting lost in bobbing his head up and down, loving the feel of it inside his mouth. He normally didn’t get this happy from giving a blowjob, but he was really enjoying his time with the other man.

Jackson stopped him with a tap to his shoulder, giving Nate’s jaw a break as Jackson grabbed lube and a condom from his bedside table. Prep work wasn’t as awkward as Nate usually found it, probably because Jackson was very receptive to all of Nate’s touches and kept telling Nate how good he felt inside of him and how he couldn’t wait for his dick.

When Nate finally slipped inside, Jackson was on his side with Nate behind him. Their sweaty bodies slapped together, Jackson practically folded over to let Nate get as far inside as possible. Nate couldn’t stop watching Jackson’s pretty skin, not as dark as his, but beautiful and flushed. Jackson’s muscles tensed as he pushed back against Nate, pleas tumbling out of his mouth and his body begging for more with every desperate thrust.

Nate felt so good, his dick sliding back and forth, sometimes falling out but Jackson helping him back inside. It had been a long time since he’d been with someone as receptive as Jackson, and he knew he wouldn’t last long, not when Jackson turned his head around and tried for a kiss. Nate kissed him as best he could for a moment, but had to change his angle to lick at Jackson’s neck and shoulders instead, something the other man didn’t seem to have a problem with.

“You feel so fucking good.” Jackson gasped.

“You too, Jacks. Laid out for me, so fucking pretty.”

“Eric, my name’s Eric.” Jackson said, pushing his ass back against Nate’s hips.

Nate faltered, “But you said…”

“Don’t stop, fuck. Everyone calls me Jackson, but my first name is Eric.” Jackson explained. “Figured the guy fucking me should know my first name.”

“Yeah. Uhm, my last name’s Miller?” Nate said, a little dumbfounded, probably because of his throbbing cock inside of Jackson’s ass.

“Nice to meet you, Nate Miller. About that fucking…” Jackson slipped away, climbing over Nate and manhandling him until he was sinking down on Nate’s dick with Nate underneath him.

Nate barely held it together as Jackson rode him, and he had to slap a hand over his mouth to keep the noise down. Jackson’s face alternated between bliss and entertainment, clearly enjoying the effect he had on Nate, but too far gone in his own desire to laugh about it.

Once Nate had come, Jackson laid down on him, the two of them trading kisses as Jackson fucked Nate’s thigh. When he was aware enough to help, Nate lubed his hand up and reached down to jerk Jackson off. He really liked watching Jackson’s face, and the openmouthed kisses Jackson placed on his face and neck. He was beautiful as he chased his climax, open and so inviting. Nate couldn’t wait to do it all over again.

“You wanna go back outside?” Nate asked after they’d basked in quiet afterglow for a good half hour.

“Not really.” Jackson said. “I don’t think we were that quiet, after all.”

Nate chuckled, leaning up on his elbow and looking at the naked man lying next to him. “You’re really hot, you know that?”

A slow smile spread over Jackson’s face. “You too. That was a great first time, right?”

“Yeah. It was. Seems we’re compatible. But you know, the first time is usually the worst, it only gets better as you get to know each other’s bodies and turn-ons.”

“I’ve heard that too.” Jackson said. “Give me an hour?”

Nate darted in for a quick kiss. “Great idea. Want me to get your phone?”

“Sure.”

Nate got up, finding both their phones in their discarded jeans, and with Jackson’s help found tissues and a bottle of Sprite, which they used to clean up and drink a little.

“Ugh, I can’t believe I’m using Sprite to clean off jizz, it’s like I’m a teenager again.” Nate muttered.

Jackson chuckled, “Done that a lot, have you? No wonder you don’t like the fancy bars.”

“Shut up.” Nate grumbled, opening his phone and reading the texts from Bellamy.

Like Jackson had suggested, they spent about an hour on their phones, talking mostly about the videos and messages they had on different social media, but a little about sex and previous experiences too. It was slightly weird, but Nate was really looking forward to a second round and if Jackson was cool with hanging out naked on his bed while they waited for their dicks to return to their full glory, well, Nate wasn’t going to complain.

**

Nate didn’t leave until early the next morning, after round four. They’d only done anal twice, but their mouths, hands and dicks had been put to good use in all rounds. Nate’s body only complained a little after a night of strained muscles and unergonomic positions, and thankfully he wasn’t hungover at all since they’d ended up in Jackson’s room so early.

Jackson saw him to the door, handing him a bottle of flat Coke for the trip home like the gentleman he was. They’d already added each other to various social media accounts, and all that was left to do was to say goodbye.

“You sure you have to leave?” Jackson asked.

Nate hooked his fingers in the waistband of Jackson’s briefs, the only thing he was wearing. “As tempting as you are, I’ve got things to get to. But we’ll do this again sometime soon, right?”

“Yeah, I look forward to it.” Jackson said, raising an eyebrow.

He made quite the picture, and Nate ran his eyes over his naked torso, hoping he’d remember it for a long time. Jackson was lean but there were hints of muscles and a he had a nice patch of hair leading down into his briefs.

“Fuck.” Nate whispered, pulling Jackson in for one last kiss before he left.

**

To Nate’s delight, they hooked up quite a few times after that. He wasn’t entirely sure why Jackson was bothering with him, seeing as Jackson had his shit together and Nate decidedly did not, but he didn’t mind it. The sex was great, only getting better with every go, and if Jackson liked it half as much as Nate did, it wasn’t too surprising that he kept hitting Nate up.

They mostly fooled around at Nate’s place since he lived alone, and Jackson didn’t seem to mind how messy it was. Some of their more explorative moments only added to that mess. Nate understood the benefits of keeping a place tidy, he just didn’t think having a clean house would help him get his shit together mentally, or inspire him to do more productive things inside the apartment. Takeaway boxes and clothes everywhere with PlayStation controllers all around the sofa and bed felt like his vibe, and it clearly wasn’t stopping him from getting laid.

If they ended up at Jackson’s, they had to keep it down and kept mostly to the bed. Showering together had been banned by Clarke, as it was a shared space, and Nate respected that reasoning. He didn’t understand Clarke a lot besides that, her being so focused on her studies and career that she was often short-tempered or too blunt for Nate’s liking. He kept his mouth shut about it, since she wasn’t his friend or roomie, and because she was now dating Bellamy who apparently got to see her more charming side.

It took about a month before Jackson showed up at The Arkadia on a night that Nate was working, Jackson explaining that he wasn’t going out much as he was studying for a big exam and trying to find a residency spot at one of the closer hospitals or clinics. Nate didn’t get why that should stop Jackson from going out for a drink, but he didn’t complain since Jackson spent a lot of his free time in Nate’s bed.

“Hey babe.” Jackson said, taking a moment to stop outside the club where Nate was checking ID’s on the people coming in.

“What?” Nate frowned, not sure what he’d heard.

“Hey Nate.” Jackson repeated. “You come here often?”

Nate rolled his eyes, but still let Jackson drop a kiss to his cheek. “You didn’t say you were coming in tonight.”

“Spur of the moment. That big exam I mentioned? It’s done.”

“Oh yeah, that was today, right? How’d you do?” Nate asked.

Jackson let out an exaggerated sigh, “I’m fucked.”

Nate patted Jackson’s shoulder, “I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

“So, uh…” Jackson lowered his voice, moving in closer, “Say I wanna get fucked for real? You know, a little celebration?”

“Not while I’m at work.”

Jackson took that in his stride, “You work ‘til closing?”

“Yeah.” Nate pursed his lips, thinking things over, “I could probably cut out earlier if one of the waitstaff closes up with Harper.”

“Well… If you could, I’d make it worth your while.” Jackson winked lasciviously, and walked away with an exaggerated swing to his hips.

Nate glanced down at his dick, “Not now, idiot.”

**

For the first time, Nate brought Jackson with him home in the middle of the night, Monty having agreed without too much convincing to stick around until Harper had The Arkadia shut down, saying Jasper would be there too just in case.

There was something in both Monty’s and Jasper’s eagerness to help that felt fishy to Nate, but he decided to not care for the moment, instead driving Jackson over to his place.

“Nice car. Had your license long?” Jackson asked.

Nate chuckled, “It’s okay, you can say it, I’m not a safe driver. You’re hardly the first person to mention it. Even Bellamy gets on my case sometimes.”

“Alright, I should never offer to blow you in your car, got it.”

“I wouldn’t say that.” Nate smirked. “Just not when I’m driving it.”

Jackson laughed, but the hand that had been on Nate’s thigh disappeared. Nate didn’t take too much offence from it, he knew he could sometimes drive a little recklessly, but at two am there was never much traffic to care about and he did stop for both yellow and red lights even if his was the only car for miles. He’d seen too many films where a car came out of nowhere and caused a huge crash to risk it.

Once inside the elevator of Nate’s building, Jackson crowded against Nate, rolling their hips together. Nate had to push him off when the doors opened, though it sent a thrill through his body when Jackson attached himself from behind instead.

“Jacks, come on. My neighbors always complain I make too much noise when I come home at night. It ain’t my fault the noise at the bar is so loud my ears are ringing an hour later.”

“So you’re saying we gotta keep it down tonight?” Jackson pouted as he waited for Nate to open his door.

Nate glanced over, amused by Jackson’s grimace, but also a bit turned on. He’d found that Jackson was a very confident bottom who didn’t mind asking for more or guiding Nate into the right positions and strokes. Seeing Jackson’s desperate desire, biting on a pillow or scrabbling for purchase against Nate’s body, really fucking turned Nate on. But Jackson never made that much noise.

“You’re not as loud as you think you are. Probably the quietest guy I’ve been with.” Nate said, opening the door and letting Jackson walk in first.

“Yeah?” Jackson frowned, “My ex always told me to keep it down.”

Nate shrugged, “Maybe you’re quieter now because of it? I don’t mind if you wanna be louder, in fact, we should try that sometime, see how loud I can make you, but for right now, I’ve got neighbors that will bang on the door at six am just to spite me, so quiet for one more night?”

“Okay.” Jackson said with a shrug, and it was one of those easy mannerisms he had that made Nate realize he needed to keep this about sex, and not about what a great guy Jackson was turning out to be. Jackson had a way of looking so open, caring and gentle, and Nate hated that it made him think Jackson could want to do more than just fuck.

They ended up with Jackson on all four, his moans and gasps swallowed by Nate’s duvet cover, Nate behind him, shoving his dick in and out of him at a relentless pace. It felt good using Jackson’s body like that, and if Nate’s touches were softer and sweeter than he’d first intended, well, sex had a way of mucking up plans.

**

For all the sex they were having, it wasn’t like they never talked. They sent stupid videos and memes to each other, commented on each other’s Instagrams and tweets, and both ignored their friends if they made some sort of reference to them sleeping together. Nate felt lucky to have someone so nice and normal as a fuckbuddy, and it would be a shame when things ended. Hopefully, they could be as relaxed and cordial about that as they were about their current situation.

In person they talked about some deeper stuff, mostly about exes and one-night-stands, but about family and their careers too. Nate was saddened to hear that Jackson’s parents were gone too, but figured that might be a reason they worked so well together, like they understood each other a little more because of it. Jackson explained that he wanted to be a doctor because his parents had both been in the medical field and he wanted to carry on their legacy. He talked about having had an extra job his first years of college but having to give it up because he couldn’t juggle his studies with his work. He mentioned how supportive Clarke and her mom had been.

Nate liked listening to Jackson, but rarely offered things he considered truly intimate. He spoke some of his dad, about usually having three or even four jobs, and trying to make up for the smaller income from just one job by working almost every night at The Arkadia. He stayed away from topics like the future, and ambitions. When Jackson asked which countries Nate had been to, Nate steered the conversation to _The Amazing Race_ and then other reality shows. He knew Jackson wouldn’t give Nate a hard time about living paycheck to paycheck, and having no idea what he wanted to do with his life. Jackson was too nice to look down on anyone. The things he said made it pretty clear he was on the left side of the political spectrum, but it was one thing to share an ideal, and another thing to not pity the person in front of you. Nate wanted to remember Jackson as a nice guy through and through in his future memories, so he stuck to mostly safe and fun topics.

Besides, the sex was worth any insecurities or doubts Nate felt around the other man. Jackson’s skin shimmered with sweat when Nate bent him over, his torso was a splendid view when he rode Nate, and those little broken pleas when Nate teased him into an orgasm were some of the sweetest things Nate had ever heard.

**

Nate had spent the night at Jackson’s, to spare Jackson the travel to campus in the morning. Nate was considerate like that.

“You can stay for breakfast, you know, it’s not like you’d be eating us out of our home.” Jackson said, watching Nate get dressed from his place on the bed.

“Nah, I’m not much of a breakfast guy.”

“I’ve seen you eat, you never say no to food.”

Nate rolled his eyes, “Where did my socks go?” He’d rather focus on getting dressed than the fact that for the past weeks they’d somehow ended up having a meal together before or after they’d gotten naked. Jackson had even showed up once to make sure Nate got a proper dinner before his shift at The Arkadia started.

“You always offer me breakfast at your place.” Jackson pointed out.

“That’s because you want it. Aha!” Nate found one sock and pulled it on. “Besides, when we’re at mine, we get up later, I can’t eat this early. Oh, there’s the other one.”

“Babe, would you pay attention, please?”

Nate swallowed. Jackson had taken to calling him ‘babe’ and ‘honey’ more often, and Nate knew he should put a stop to it, only he sort of didn’t want to.

Nate pulled the second sock on and sat down on the bed, “You have my attention.”

“Thank you,” Jackson smiled kindly. “If you won’t stay for breakfast, how about dinner tonight? Clarke’s having Bellamy over and she said we were more than welcome.”

“Ew, no thanks. Sitting in on their dinner date? I don’t think so.”

“Well, it would be like a double date.” Jackson said slowly.

Nate shook his head, “If we were to go on a date I would not take you to a dinner with those two. Bellamy’s my best friend but he’s not someone I want on a date with me.”

Jackson frowned, “If you’d take me on a date?”

“Yeah, it’d probably be beer and a hockey game, to be honest. Or beer at a bar showing the hockey game, ‘cos I can’t afford one ticket, let alone two.” Nate leaned in and kissed Jackson on the forehead, “I gotta go.”

“No, wait, you don’t wanna go on a date with me?”

Nate’s brain suddenly stopped. “I mean… I wouldn’t be able to take you anywhere nice.”

“I just want to spend time with you. I don’t care where we go.”

“Sure, and then you get to hear from all your friends about the museums, galleries, concerts, fancy restaurants and you wonder why we don’t do that, and you get mad I don’t spend enough money on you.” Nate heard himself speak, and wondered why he was saying the words coming out of his mouth.

Jackson’s face turned stony. He crossed his arms, though Nate couldn’t tell if it was to cover up his naked chest or because he was angry. “You seem to know a lot about me.”

“I’m just calling it like I see it. I’m not like you and your friends.” Nate shrugged his shoulders helplessly. “I’m not a college guy. I’m a hard working guy with a shitty job and no money.”

“If you hadn’t noticed, I’m not exactly rolling in cash either. And I’ve got years of fucking hard residency to get through before I can actually practice the job that I want.” Jackson sounded mad for the first time that Nate had known him.

“Yeah, but you’ve almost already got your M.D., I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. Look, I gotta go, can we pick this up later? I’m working tonight, but this weekend?”

“Whatever. Just go.” Jackson said, turning over.

Nate looked helplessly at Jackson’s back, which had looked so enticing and strong when Nate had fucked him from behind last night. Now it looked pale and hunched over. Nate knew he’d fucked up, but he didn’t know how to fix it, or even that he should. They’d had a good run for the past months, maybe it was time they ended things.

Nate left without another word, barely acknowledging Clarke coming out of her room as he left the apartment. He did hear her call out Jackson’s name cautiously, and was certain she’d hear all about the dumb things he’d said.

Couldn’t Jackson see that they were different? That they had different goals in life and different paths of getting there. Rather, Nate had no path, and Jackson had a very clear one. Nate wasn’t an idiot despite not having a single college class underneath his belt, and he knew that being a resident doctor was an exhausting learning experience that took a lot of attention and time. Jackson would barely have time for a boyfriend, and if he did have one, he’d need someone who was supportive and understanding, and didn’t spend his nights breaking up fights at a dive bar.

Nate took a shower when he got home and spent the rest of the day on his couch playing _Resident Evil_. He was in a foul mood when he got to work, and accepted a before-shift tequila shot that he rarely indulged in. Fittingly, the crowd was unruly that night and he had to toss several patrons out, sometimes needing the help of Harper and Monty. He was on edge all night, constantly giving people the stink-eye.

“Who crawled up your ass and died?” Harper asked around midnight.

“Mind your own business.” Nate snapped.

Harper held up her hands in mock-surrender, “I take it you haven’t spotted Jackson being here yet.”

Nate almost got whiplash from turning his head too quickly, “Jacks is here?”

He’d told his colleagues about Jackson a while ago, after they’d spent a few of Nate’s breaks together in the staff room. They’d hadn’t been too handsy with each other thanks to Nate’s unwillingness to risk his job, but it wasn’t worth pretending nothing was going on.

“Yep. Saw him about ten minutes ago at the small bar.”

Nate sighed, leaving Harper without a word. He fished his phone out of his pocket, and saw a new message from Jackson; _Raven invited me out for drinks, prob @ arkadia_. _Text me if you have a problem with it._

The message was three hours old already, and Nate grumbled about missing his chance to tell Jackson to leave him alone.

He saw Jackson at the back of the establishment, near the smaller bar Harper had mentioned. He also saw a guy hopping up on the bar, making threatening motions against the bartender.

“Hey!” Nate called out, pushing his way past people and scrambling towards the bar. It was all over in less than a minute, Nate pulling on the guy’s leg to get him down from the bar, the guy falling down, his friend coming over to push Nate away, Nate punching him in the shoulder, while he got a swipe in at Nate’s ear, the crowd screaming and scurrying away.

“Nate!” Jackson called, hurrying to his side.

“Not now, Jacks!” Nate yelled, putting out a hand to keep him away.

The guy that had bumrushed Nate went in for another strike, getting him in the neck.

“Learn to fucking fight!” Nate yelled, getting his hand on the guy’s wrist and quickly turning it so that it was behind the guy’s back. He saw Monty and Harper jumping on the other guy to keep him down.

“Nate!” Jackson tried again, coming closer, only to almost be kicked by the guy in Nate’s hold.

“Stay the fuck away, Jacks!” Nate pushed the guy forward, marching him towards the exit. Most of the crowd saw him coming and made way for him but at a few places he had to yell at people to clear out, and it only made him angrier.

They were supposed to be as nice and professional as possible about kicking people out, but this was one of those times that Nate simply pushed the guy down to the ground on the pavement once they were a few feet away from the bar, “Get the fuck outta here, asshole!”

“Fuck you!”

“Yeah, you too!” Nate called after the retreating guy, who was joined by the friend Harper and Monty had taken care of, stumbling towards the metro station. “Fuck this, man.”

Nate stayed outside, taking a few deep breaths to gather his thoughts and get his adrenaline under control. He was lucky to get a full minute alone.

“Good night so far?”

Feeling too tired, and too frayed, Nate turned to Jackson. “Great. What the fuck was that?”

“What?” Jackson said, narrowing his eyes.

“That! In there! You, jumping into the fight!”

“I was trying to help!”

“Well, you didn’t! You’re not a security guard, you’re a fucking med student. You’re supposed to patch people up, not tear them a new one.” Nate said angrily.

Jackson’s fists were clenched by his side, “Maybe I was upset someone was trying to hit you, and wanted to get him off you.”

“Why, Jacks? You’re not my boyfriend, what do you care? This is my job, dammit, I can’t be worried about you getting involved every time some drunkard tries to fight me.”

“Fine.” Jackson set his jaw. “I won’t fucking care again.”

Nate stared as Jackson went back inside, reeling from both the rush of the physical fight but also from whatever words he’d just exchanged with Jackson. He wished they’d had this conversation in a less stressful situation. He frowned as Jackson came back out with his jacket, and with Raven. He wondered if he should say something, but Jackson passed him without a word.

“He almost fucking kicked you, Jacks! I can’t have that happen!” Nate called out, knowing it was in vain, but needing to do something about the situation.

“Whatever!” Jackson called back, without even a glance in Nate’s direction.

Raven did turn around, and Nate knew that her look was deadly, even though he was too far away to really see it.

**

Nate spent a couple of days mostly hiding in his apartment and playing video games when he wasn’t working. He beat a number of high scores in _Mario Kart_ so it wasn’t all bad. He also spent a lot of time on his phone, stalking Jackson’s various accounts but there were no new posts, just a few likes here and there. He got outrageously jealous when he saw that Jackson started following some hot blond guy that appeared to be in some class with Jackson. Not that it should matter. It made sense, Jackson giving up his sexual escapade with a loser like Nate and finding someone more like himself.

He met up with Bellamy for lunch, the two of them grabbing subs from a sandwich shop before finding a bench outside to sit on. They hadn’t been in touch much lately, what with Bellamy being busy with his new girlfriend and his job as personal security giving him crazy hours.

“Anything exciting happen lately?” Bellamy asked.

Nate shrugged, “I don’t know.”

Bellamy hummed and pursed his lips. “Heard you and Jackson broke up. Which was interesting, ‘cos you never told me you were dating.”

Nate sighed, he should’ve known word would get back to Bellamy somehow. “We weren’t. Not according to me anyway.”

“What was going on according to you?” Bellamy asked, with a higher voice than usual so that Nate knew Bellamy thought he was being ridiculous.

“I don’t know, we were hooking up, I guess. Fuckbuddies, you know?”

“Figured. I knew you were hooking up, but I was blindsided to hear the news.” Bellamy explained, taking a bite of his sandwich.

Nate huffed, a tiny bit frustrated, “What did Clarke say?”

“Nah, it was Jackson. I was over there, just hanging out, and Clarke mentioned she was still up for a double date, that’s when he said you’d broken up and I guess I messed up ‘cos I kinda… asked a lot of questions about that? Like, in a way that made him know you never really mentioned him?”

“Fuck.”

“Felt kinda bad.” Bellamy said, before taking another bite.

“Yeah, I bet. Don’t worry, I fucked it up enough on my own. Man, I don’t know, he’s really great, and he really doesn’t deserve my bullshit. I was hoping to end things in good way eventually, but things just kinda… got messed up.”

Bellamy chewed in silence for a moment, and finally Nate took a bite too. Food always made him feel better, and this time was no different.

“I like him too.” Bellamy said after a while. “He’s always been nice to me, and he seems like a smart guy.”

Nate sighed, “This ain’t about that.”

“Nah, it’s about you selling yourself short, like always.” Bellamy said sharply.

“Can we talk about something else?” Nate grumbled. “Did you see the hockey game last night?”

**

It was only two weeks before Nate met Jackson again. The town wasn’t that big and with their friends dating, it was only a matter of time. But Nate didn’t expect it to happen at The Skybox, one of the few good gay clubs in town.

He was enjoying a rare four nights off in a row, something that only happened two or three times a year, and he’d even organized a night out with some friends which was rarer still. He’d chosen The Skybox because the chances of getting laid were pretty high and if nothing else he could have some eye candy as he drank.

He spotted Jackson an hour after arriving, standing by the bar and ordering drinks. Looking around he saw some of the students he recognized as patrons of The Arkadia too, and when Jackson headed in their direction laden with drinks, Nate put two and two together.

Unsure of how to play things, whether to ignore Jackson, or make his way over there, Nate ended up staring in Jackson’s direction and not following along with the conversation that Echo and Roan were having. It was because of this that he saw an attractive blond guy about his height put his hands on Jackson’s waist several times, angling himself to be close to Jackson. He couldn’t tell if Jackson was responding to his overtures, but it still made Nate far too jealous. He wasn’t supposed to feel anything special about Jackson, especially not now that they weren’t even sleeping together any longer.

At some point Nate got roped back into the conversation, and then Echo took him out on the dancefloor with her. He tried to get lost in the rhythm of the music and the press of the bodies, but it was difficult when he knew Jackson was around somewhere. As if sensing Nate’s discomfort, Jackson suddenly appeared in front of him. He had a cautious, friendly smile, and waved awkwardly. Nate waved back. Jackson tilted his head and pointed towards the side of the large room. Nate nodded and followed when Jackson turned to make his way past the dancing crowd.

“Hi.” Jackson eventually said, when they were standing to the side of the dancefloor, in a little pocket that had much needed air.

“Hi.”

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have dragged you out of there, but I just wanted to talk.”

“It’s cool.” Nate said, trying to wipe some sweat off his forehead without looking disgusting or smelly. “It’s good to see you. How’ve you been?”

“Good, yeah, good.” Jackson tripped over the words, already a little inebriated. “It’s good to see you too. Out for any special reason?”

“Nah, just out with friends. You?”

“We’re celebrating, we got our residencies finalized today.” Jackson explained.

“Oh shit, yeah? Did you get Polis Medical like you wanted?”

Jackson smiled wide, “I did, yeah!”

“Congrats man, told you things would be fine.” Nate said, patting Jackson’s arm and finding his hand lingering. “That’s good, man.”

“Thanks.” Jackson said, those gentle, wonderful eyes focused on Nate like he really cared about what Nate had to say.

“Uhm…” Nate began.

Jackson leaned in, talking into Nate’s ear to make sure he was heard over the music, “I really wanna talk to you. About, you know… before.”

Nate swore to himself, he really shouldn’t, but Jackson was asking so nicely, and he was looking really good with tight black jeans and a loose green t-shirt with a boat neck that showed off his collarbones. “Like, now?”

Jackson shrugged, “We could go to the diner across the street. But if you wanna stay with your friends, that’s cool.”

Nate hesitated. He didn’t really feel like having a meaningful conversation which was undoubtedly what Jackson wanted, but he also didn’t want to be an asshole to a such a genuine guy. If they didn’t have the talk now, they likely never would. “We can do it now, if you treat me to some blueberry pie.”

“Deal.” Jackson reached out as if to take Nate’s hand, but aborted the motion. Instead they pressed their way out of the club with a safe distance from each other.

Nate sent a message to the group chat to let his friends know he’d be missing for a while, and he saw Jackson fiddling with his phone too, probably doing the same. Some things they did have in common after all. 

The diner was pretty full, situated as it was between a number of bars and clubs that didn’t serve any food, and being known for cheap greasy food that worked well both before a night out and after it. It actually did pretty well during the night out too, serving up both fries and a breather to those that had spent an hour or two dancing and needed to recharge before going back in.

They were able to get a table, and Jackson ordered two servings of blueberry pie as well as some Sprite to drink. He winked at Nate as he placed the drinks order.

“You’re not funny.” Nate chuckled.

Jackson smiled happily at his own antics, ignoring Nate. They were quiet as they waited for their pies, sharing smiles and furtive glances. Nate was dreading whatever Jackson was going to say, but he still enjoyed spending time with him.

Once the plates were in front of them, and Nate had had one delicious bite, he asked, “So, what’s on your mind?”

Jackson exhaled loudly, slouching back in his seat. “I guess I wanna know why you didn’t wanna date me. I really liked you, and I thought you liked me too. But it’s not the first time I’ve read that wrong.”

Nate had to fight to not visibly flinch. Jackson was going straight to the punch, and throwing some punches of his own in the process. “I like you, you’re a great guy.”

“You just don’t wanna be with me.” Jackson sighed heavily, looking more tired than upset. He used his fork to splice a large piece of pie and stuffed it into his mouth.

“No, that’s not,” Nate sighed, “you are a great guy, you have to believe me. You’re sweet, funny and smart. You’re great in bed.”

Jackson huffed at the last compliment.

“We’re just too different. If we actually started dating, you’d realize how different I am to you. No education, no prospects, nothing but a dead-end job with lousy hours and pay, and a shitty apartment.” Nate explained, fingers pointing back and forth as he listed the reasons, because he was a little drunk still.

“Have you even listened to me when we’ve talked?” Jackson asked angrily, pointing back at Nate. “Why would you think I’d not want to be with you because of your job or your paycheck? That makes me so fucking mad, Nate. It’s like you haven’t paid attention at all.”

Nate snorted, remembering all the reasons they’d never work out. “You say that now, but I know what college people like you think. That people without a college degree aren’t worth shit, that we should all have minimum-wage jobs so you can earn the big cash.”

Jackson pushed his plate away, “I hate when you say stuff like that. I don’t care about other people, what about what I’m like? It’s like you don’t even see me. Was it really just sex for you?”

Nate shrugged.

“Wow. That’s… well.” Jackson leaned forward in his seat, scratching his short hair.

Feeling like an absolute asshole, and like he really needed to make Jackson feel better again, Nate thought hard of what to say. He looked at the people around them, the groups of friends that were laughing and making noise, the sad girl crying in the corner, the waitress that had to deal with drunk patrons ordering alcohol when they served none.

“At least you got Polis Medical.” Nate said eventually.

Jackson laughed, moving his hand to cover his mouth. “Wow.”

Nate knew it hadn’t been a great thing to say, but he didn’t do emotional talks, and he hadn’t been prepared for this at all, he’d thought he’d have drinks with Echo and the others and then dance until he found someone worth going home with.

“What about you,” Jackson asked, sitting back and catching Nate’s eyes, “I’m gonna be at Polis doing my residency for the next year, what about you?”

“What about me?” Nate frowned.

“You keep talking about how bad you’ve got it, when we were sleeping together you always talked about how shit your job was, your apartment, everything. But you never mentioned doing anything about it, never said how you’re gonna make yourself happier. You just bitch about it.”

Nate stared at Jackson. He felt like he’d been slapped silly.

“What?” Jackson raised an eyebrow. “No one ever called you out on your bullshit?”

“Not like that.” Nate said before his brain caught up.

“I figured.” Jackson leaned forward, putting his hand on top of Nate’s. “Look, it’s your life. But when you’re happy and loose, you’re so beautiful and amazing to be with. You like, light up the fucking room, that’s what I thought anyway. You laughing is so sexy. But when you’re in a shit mood, it’s like the world has it out for you and there’s no way you can fix it. Which is such bullshit. You like feeling like that, or you’d do something about it. That’s what I think anyway.”

Nate blinked. He must be a lot drunker than he thought, judging from how emotional he was feeling. He might even be on the verge of tears. “Fuck.”

Jackson took his hand back, “Sorry, that was a lot.”

“Nah, nah,” Nate cleared his throat, “I just… Uhm. Feel like it’s too late? When my dad died, all I could think about was becoming someone he could be proud of, but I never amounted to shit, and things just… kept on.”

“Most parents just want their kids to be happy.”

“Yeah. He was cool with me being gay. He loved my high school boyfriend, he was even upset when we broke up. But he never did anything but support me, you know?”

Jackson smiled, “That’s cool. You think he’d support you now?”

Nate sighed, resting his head in his hand, “You mean support me as I let life pass me by? Fuck, Jacks, you’re too fucking heavy tonight, man, I thought we were just gonna talk about sleeping around or whatever.”

“Sorry.” Jackson smirked, clearly not sorry. “It’s what you get for being an asshole about dumping me.”

“Okay, one, we weren’t dating so I didn’t dump you, two, fuck you college boys, man.”

Jackson laughed at the tired insult. “I think I’m gonna head back to the club, get some shots and forget most of this conversation. You coming?”

Nate considered it, going back to the sounds and the lights, screaming and joking with his friends, surrounded by a heaving crowd. “You go on ahead, I’m gonna finish my pie. And yours.”

“Okay. It was good seeing you, Nate. Thanks for talking with me.” Jackson stood up. He put one hand on Nate’s shoulder and squeezed before walking away.

Nate sat there for a good while, eating his pie slowly. He considered Jackson’s words, the realizations hitting Nate like silent explosions. He sent a text to Echo to not expect him back, letting her think he’d found someone for the night. When he was done with his own slice, he pulled Jackson’s over. The waitress brought him a fresh glass of water when the Sprite was out. Nate spent over an hour just turning things over in his head, before getting a taxi home and thinking some more.

**

“He’s here.” Bellamy said without greeting Nate.

Nate put his phone on speaker, “Is he in for the night?”

“I don’t know, I just got here.”

Nate rolled his eyes, “Can he hear you?”

“Nah, I’m in the toilet and I’m talking quietly.”

“This is your idea of quiet?” Nate asked, putting his feet in his boots and lacing up.

“You want my help or not?” Bellamy snapped back.

“Yeah, uh, just let me know if he leaves? I’m taking my car, be there in twenty.”

“Alright, see you then.”

Nate hung up, and headed out of his apartment. If things worked out, and even if they didn’t, he probably owed Bellamy one. Or if this was a favor that Bellamy already owed to him. There was no point in keeping track of the things they did for each other always going along with each other’s dumb schemes. When Nate had told Bellamy about his conversation at the diner with Jackson, Bellamy had just about hollered in victory, talking about vindication and other nonsense. When Nate had said that maybe Jackson had a point, and that he’d started thinking about what he actually did want to do with his life, Bellamy had listened and offered support even though Nate didn’t know any particulars yet.

When Nate had mentioned that he wanted to talk to Jackson again, Bellamy had asked why and then suggested making a gesture. Hence, Bellamy calling him from hanging out at Clarke’s to let him know Jackson was there.

Nate didn’t feel that nervous on the drive over, and didn’t second guess himself walking up to the apartment neither. He had a general idea of what he wanted to say, and he would be fine with whatever Jackson’s choice was. He was mostly there to drive home the point that Jackson was amazing, and anyone who thought differently was a loser.

He rang the doorbell, and had a sudden panic about his outfit, but it was derailed when Jackson opened the door.

“Nate? What – what are you doing here?” Jackson was clearly a little flustered, a hand flying up and then down in the air as if he didn’t know what to do with it.

“Hey, Jacks. I was hoping to talk to you actually.” Nate said, taking in Jackson’s appearance and biting his lip at how cute Jackson was acting.

“Oh, uhm, sure. Bellamy’s here if you…” He narrowed his eyes, “You knew that.”

Nate chuckled, “Yeah, guilty as charged. Like, I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable showing up at your home but I really want to talk to you. In person.”

“No, uh, that’s not a problem. Uhm, we could go to my room?”

“Sure.”

Nate followed Jackson, glancing into the living room when they passed it. He could tell from Clarke’s face that Jackson was sending her a look from in front of him, and he could tell that Bellamy was loving the whole situation. Nate rolled his eyes at his idiot friend, and was glad when Jackson closed the door behind them, leaving them alone for a moment.

“Shit, I gotta clean up a little.” Jackson muttered, hurrying to move clothes from one spot on the floor to another, throwing his duvet cover over the bed and tossing some tissues into a trash can.

“You’ve seen my place, this is nothing.” Nate pointed out, amused.

“What, no, it’s fine.” Jackson said, finally stopping once he’d switched the blinds to let some light in. “Uh, hi.”

“Hi.” Nate smiled gently, finding everything about a flustered Jackson adorable. “You’d tell me if you were busy, right? I don’t wanna impose.”

“Are you kidding? You’re here to talk? I’m not too busy for that.” Jackson said, cringing afterwards like he realized he was being a little too honest.

Nate chuckled, “Fair. I just… I wanted to say that I’ve thought a lot about our last conversation. What you said, about me being happy when I’m unhappy? I think you’re right. I probably have stopped trying, trying to get a better job, or a hobby, a boyfriend, anything that makes me happy.”

Jackson kept silent, looking at Nate, hands locked in front of him.

“I needed to hear that.” Nate continued. “It was rough, but I’ve spent a week now, thinking about what I can do to change my situation, about whether I even want to do something. So I wanted to thank you, somehow, for calling me out.”

Jackson smiled gently, “I was a dick about it. But you’re welcome. It sounds great, Nate. As long as it’s something you want.”

Nate smiled back, “Yeah, it’s something I want. I don’t wanna study, but I could probably do something more worthwhile with my work experience than be a bouncer. Or I’ll fill the other hours of my day with something more fulfilling.”

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out.” Jackson said confidently.

Nate was standing close to the door, and Jackson was all the way over in the corner next to the window. “I wanna take you out. On a date. If you still want.”

Jackson did that thing where he cocked his head down like he was hiding a blush. “You don’t have to.”

“Nah, but I want to. If you want to.”

“How about we go on a date and take it from there?” Jackson said softly, reaching out for Nate’s hands. “I remember you saying something about a bar and a hockey game?”

Nate stepped in, tightening his hold on Jackson’s hands. He searched Jackson’s eyes for any sign of hesitation but he looked as happy and welcoming as ever. Nate leaned up for a kiss, feeling giddy when Jackson kissed him back.

“I’m not saying I’m gonna change overnight.” Nate said quietly. “But I really think I could be happier if I make some changes, and I really think you can make me happy. So, I wanna try and make you happy too.”

“Sounds good.” Jackson whispered against Nate’s lips, kissing him again. “You wanna have a groping session in here or join the others out there?”

“Groping sounds good.” Nate punctuated his words by grabbing Jackson’s ass.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Jackson laughed, sliding his hands inside of Nate’s shirt.

A date might not change anything, but Nate was already good at making Jackson laugh and was going to keep doing so for as long as he could. And give him orgasms. There would be many orgasms too.


End file.
